Saturday, April 18, 2009
Of course it would have been helpful had i known the the tid bit of information regarding the fact that my soon to be mother-in-law has a tradition of purchasing china for each one of her son's for their wedding. Apparently i was out of the loop on that one while i ran my mouth regarding the topic in front of said soon to be mother-in-law who i am convinced has permanently black listed me from any hopes of being on her good side. Open mouth and insert foot right?
It wasn't so much that I'm anti-china. I guess i just assumed who would want to purchase china for us? And it's the sort of thing you can't half own, so not really knowing how much china costs and assuming it's expensive, i wouldn't want people buying pieces and then not having a complete set and knowing myself never going out and finishing the purchase.
Now enter a trip to Macy's to scope out the registering possibilities while downtown today. All of the sudden i find myself spending an hour in the china department ooo-ing and aaah-ing over this pattern and that color and that accent plate. And i wasn't alone in this venture. Jon was just as excited about every possibility china has to offer as well. I was like a meth addict in a meth lab. When did i care so feverishly about china?
It's typical to my pattern of behaviour regarding this wedding. I know i must be annoying considering I've done a complete 180 on every choice thus far. Maybe the planning would go a lot smoother if i just took everything i think i want and do the exact opposite and save me the time of eventually changing my mind anyways.
Still.. We didn't register today, only went in to get information to see if we needed an appointment or whatnot. I think we'll tackle that project next weekend. And even though i know Jon's mom will have us pick out of a special catalog which china set to register for, i am all the sudden impatient and all i want to do is pick out our china. What gives?
Monday, April 13, 2009
February 9, 2009
I felt compelled to get on and ramble for a while. I was trying to think of something to put in my blog, but then I realized I should just write some words of my own for myself. Sometimes Jon has these ways of making me feel special, when I really know he means it. Or maybe it’s that he knows me just enough to know just what I need. He’s said it a few times, but today he just said “I’m so proud of you.” and I asked him why and he said just because for going back to school and doing your best. He’s very encouraging of anything I want, and I guess that makes me very lucky. I have a hard time reciprocating those sentiments. But times like today when he just made me feel special in some uncanny meaningless way, it really did mean the world to me. And I remember the things like that that make me love him.
Monday, April 6, 2009
"I guess the Stone Cold with have to beat The Rock tomorrow night."
It began more along the lines of "But I'm THIS CLOSE to beating The Rock!" That was the plee i heard after finishing 9 straight hours of torturous math homework detailing the factoring of polynomials, trinomials, and what ever else nomial may have you. So, exhausted and seeing numbers much in the way one might still see packman race across the ceiling after 9 straight hours at an arcade I decide to make my way downstairs. All i want to do is take in 30 minutes of some me time in front of the TV before tackling my next 5 straight hours through the night homework from hell physics assignment. So I politely ask Jon if he wouldn’t mind pausing his game so I can just watch 30 minutes of TV before hitting the books again.
Ten minutes later I finally get him to pause the game and turn on the TV. To my surprise two episodes of The Hills had recorded. Alas, the return of my smut guilty pleasure of a show. Usually at about the point where I press play and the voice over of “Previously on The Hills” hits Jon’s ear canal he turns to head upstairs. Except tonight he didn’t. Tonight he watched not one, but two episodes with me. Upon finishing the shows in a sigh of defeat Jon proclaims “It’s the Twins season opener game and the championship basketball game and I just spent an hour watching The Hills.” In defiance of him denying our magical Hills moment together, I reminded him that he watched it by choice. I told him he could have went upstairs and watched it like he would any other night. Then I reminded him that he was playing video games before I even came down and wasn’t watching the games anyways. And with that he remembered his game waiting on pause. Without skipping a beat he picks up the controller and this time in my sigh of defeat I get up to permanently affix myself to the kitchen table for the rest of the midnight hours doing homework (or blogging at a successful attempt in procrastination.)
Then it happened. I must have forgotten the 11th commandment that states “thou shalt not cross the path of the TV whilst video games hath being played.” Had I read past 10 I may have avoided the blood curdling shrieks that came from Jon as he screamed NOOOOOOOO. Then I look over my shoulder and witness Stone Cold Steve Austin being pinned by The Rock. Apparently I walked across the screen in the perfect amount of timing that it took to block the one button he needed to see to push to avoid being pinned. Yes, the last 2 hours you spent on this match were a waste. (Na Na Na Boo Boo) Sorry.
And so it ends with him saying “I guess the Stone Cold will have to beat The Rock tomorrow night” and me saying “I guess Heidi will have to dump Spencer next week.” And that’s just a typical night in the life of Jon & I.
See you and me
Have a better time than most can dream
Have it better than the best
Whatever tears at us
Whatever holds us down
And if nothing can be done
We’ll make the best of what’s around
Thursday, March 19, 2009
First- Edward is a fictional vampire.
Second- There is a part of him, and I'm pretty sure i know how dominant that part is, that takes on the human form of Robert Pattinson and makes me thirst for his blood.
Third- I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.
Yes, i have a severe crush on a fictional vampire. I heart Edward Cullen. Me and Edward, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. I'm love struck, and it's bad. Since i picked up the book Twilight i couldn't put it down, finishing it in under a week. No story line has ever effected me the way this story has. Effected me in a way such as i literally do have a crush on a fictional vampire. Maybe it's because i can put a face to the character, which is the face of Robert Pattinson, who to be honest i was never sure why there was such a big fuss over him. Now i know why. Girls probably aren't attracted to him, they're just attracted to the character he plays, Edward. I've had Edward Cullen dreams. And the other morning as i woke up, i woke up to Jon biting my hand as he exclaimed, "I'm Edward Cullen." True story. Makes me wonder if he'll continue this role playing all the way to the alter. Do you Heather, take Edward, to be your lawfully married Vampire.. I DO! Yes, Jon is reading the series too and is actually half way through the second book, New Moon. We have an open relationship. I told him he's allowed to have a crush on Alice, but he prefers Bella. But they're no match to my Edward. MY Edward.. I just hope Jon doesn't try gnawing at my jugular in the middle of the night in an attempt to win back my affection.
For now at least i have finished the first book, and Jon & I await our date tomorrow night at 12:01am when Twilight is released on DVD and the HD on Demand channel. We plan on renting it right at 12:01am and probably will watch it again on Saturday, being the rental lasts on your tv for 24 hours. Until then, i will have to settle with reading New Moon and patiently await the release of that movie in November.
You may doubt the possibility of falling deeply in love with a fictional character, and a vampire nonetheless, but pick up the book and read the first chapter. I guarantee you won't be able to put it down and that by the books end you'll be engaging in a cat fight with me claiming Edward Cullen is yours. But he'll always be mine. I heart Edward Cullen!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Take today for instance. I happened to sit in the student lounge for once to socialize in between class rather then sitting in the library to avoid the people who i find rather annoying, like Barbi. First of all, if your name is Barbi you automatically are considered annoying in my book without even having to say or do anything. So today i decide to sit with my peeps in the lounge mainly because i wanted to compare answers on my physics take home quiz. Well, not mainly. That was the sole reason for my social hour rendezvous. In doing so i had to sit and pretend to be interested in Barbi and stories of her boyfriend Stephen and how she forgot her shoes at his house which is two hours away and how she hates the long drive and how she just bought another pair of really cool aeropostale jeans and that her job sucks and she hates working at Underwater Adventures. At that point i had to just laugh to myself and feel bad for her knowing she's sitting there making all but $7/hour at some shit job at the Mall of America. So somewhere between Underwater Adventures and for the first time me wanting to actually go to physics just to get away from her, she started talking about puffer fish. Barbi, being the underwater expert she is and all because she works as a cashier at an aquarium inside of a friggen mall in the mid-west, felt the need to describe how puffer fish can kill themselves by puffing up because it takes so much energy in doing so with sucking in all that water. Paying attention in a half assed sort of way i decided to play a contributing part in this so called social hour and said "I don't know why the thought just occurred to me that they puff up by sucking in water. I guess i always just imagined it was air.. But if they're underwater it would have to be water right?"
The looks i got from Barbi were condemning. And yes, i know it was stupid, and i'm known to say some very very stupid things, but don't give me that look. I wanted to rip out my mid-term progress report we got two weeks ago and be like i'm ranked #1 in our class, so eat that BARBARA. Because that's your name, Barbara, not Barbi! Someone has to be #1. That someone just so happens to think puffer fish always filled up with air underwater.
Ah yes. Another day at school.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
And then I happened to notice my Google Ad while pulling up my blog tonight.
Waking up at 2am?
Get a full nights sleep.
Curious, and disregarding the one and only Google Adsense rule i happened to have glanced over which is the invalid clicks of clicking on your own ads, i was brought to a website for Lunesta - Prescription Sleep Aid.
Even Google is making a mockery out of me. Maybe it's a sign that i should talk about my sleeping disorders a little less. Which would leave me talking only about the idiosyncrasies of school, which just so happens to be my life right now. If only I could go on and on about the adventures of Jon & I's relationship without him getting furious with me, then I'd REALLY have blog material worth reading with material completely relatable to everyone who just isn't willing to admit it themselves!
Then again, I'm sure you don't want to read about how I was on my way OUT of the mall with all intentions of leaving Jon there to walk home (It's across the street..literally.. so don't feel bad for him). I have always referred to Jon as my disobedient 3 year old shopping companion, as literally in the nanosecond that i turn to eye up the Target dollar bin, i turn around a second later to find Jon has gone all David Blaine street magician disappearing act on me. Many an argument has ensued over this situation. It ends up in us completely losing each other and having to call each other and track each other down. So input a quick target run with the one and only mission of getting envelopes and turn that into me forgetting my phone on this what was supposed to be 2 minute Target run, Jon acting like he's David Blaine, and then me standing in the spot he left me for about 20 minutes just waiting for him to make his way back to me. All patience was lost, so luckily we found each other in the doorway as i was walking out to leave him there. Yes, that sounds very mean, but i can literally sit on my front steps and see Target, so he could have easily walked home. If Megan can make the foot crawl over there at 5am on Black Friday, Jon can do it!
Ah yes.. If only i could blog about my relationship.. Then again, i really don't want ad's for Dr. Phil either. There's no winning with you Google Ads!
Friday, March 13, 2009
H=Girl who sucks at math
M=Girl who enrolled in program involving nothing but complex math & physics skills
T=Girl who placed into not 1, but 2 short bus math classes not even eligible for college credit
X=Short bus math class 1
Y=Short bus math class 2
F=Future algebra and calculus classes
Answer: Girl who sucks at math probably shouldn't have picked an extremely math intensive program and opted for the online math class 1 where she didn't pay attention and used a calculator at home now making math class 2 all the more frustrating while in preparation for the future real math and physics classes needed to graduate.
It all sounds so difficult, right? I thought so too.
The days of Seriously Carla in MA096 are officially over. I'm actually in the second week of my next online math review, the one which will finally allow me to take algebra next semester. Even though i was suppose to take algebra in my first semester but wasn't allowed because of my placement testing so instead opted to bump up physics which was due second semester but essentially is all algebra. Hence my initial struggle with my Armenian nemesis. It's a vicious cycle.
Short bus class 1 was too easy. Not so much the material, as I'm still not the best at fractions, but more so because it was online and unlike the classroom environment i had my fancy smancy calculator in front of me ready and willing to punch out any answers i sought. Which really is dumb on my part because i was completing the work but i wasn't understanding it. And being it was my first ever online class i wasn't sure what to expect, and the way i had to hand in my answers didn't really force me to learn it. Now enter short bus class 2, which is essentially pre-algebra. Now this class has completely different submission techniques and is forcing me to actually work the problems. Turns out fractions really aren't that difficult. In 8 entire weeks of my first class i should have learned everything involved in simple mathematics with subtraction and addition and multiplying and division of whole numbers, integers, fractions and unknown variables. What i should have grasped in 8 weeks literally took me an hour during the review portion of my first assignment for my new math review class.
The worst part was that i was excited. All the sudden I'm all giddy thinking to myself, i don't suck at math. Why didn't they just tell me all you do is find the LCM and rework the fractions. Now I'm all homework happy and am treating these 200 problems due by Monday like it's some level 4 sudoku puzzle.
I compare this to sudoku for one reason and one reason only. If you've ever worked a sudoku puzzle (at least one of the difficult ones), then you probably share my frustration in spending 20 minutes getting a quarter of the puzzle done only to realize it doesn't work and have to erase everything and start all over. In sudoku you know the answer. You know it can only be numbers 1-9 going across, up, down and by sectional squares. Same principle with this new math class. He gives us the answers up front. All he cares about is us showing our work to prove that we understand the concept of HOW to get to the solution. Whereas the first class the professor only cared about the end result, this new professor focuses on the process. Hence, my FINALLY moment in all the sudden grasping any and all math concepts. Granted there was a lot of erasing and reworking that was done, but trial and error works as a learning process, apparently. Bring it bitches, I'm a subtracting fractional machine tonight.
*Disclaimer: The opinions stated in the above blog in reference to short bus math are the opinions of the author only and not the opinion of Blogger or Google. The author reserves all rights to poke fun at her math retardation by referring to her class as short bus math based solely on the fact that she physically and actually did ride a short bus to school for a few years. Any lawsuits brought forth as offense to the above statements may be referred to Mrs. Jarmish, my short bus school bus driver.*
Thursday, March 12, 2009
"The space goes down, down baby, down, down the roller coaster. sweet, sweet baby, sweet, sweet, don’t let me go. shimmy, shimmy, cocoa pop. shimmy, shimmy, rock. shimmy, shimmy, cocoa pop. shimmy, shimmy, rock. I met a girlfriend - a triscuit. she said, a triscuit - a biscuit. ice cream, soda pop, vanilla on the top. ooh, Shelly’s out, walking down the street, ten times a week. I read it. I said it. I stole my momma’s credit. I’m cool. I’m hot. sock me in the stomach three more times."
Initially this blog popped into my head as i noticed it was on VH1. A neighbor to VH1 on our cable lineup happens to be MTV. Then i realized how long it's been since i have watched anything on either channels and thought to myself, am i officially out of the target audience age group for the programming that i have fed my dying brain cells with since i conned my mom into getting cable when i was in high school. I still remember my very first episode of TRL and how i would find myself annoyed that they never played the entire video, but loved it all the same! Now, it's not even on. Instead, we find such shows as From G's to Gent's. Leading me to wonder what a "G" really even is.. Also, only as i fast forward through my weekly recording of The Hills (yes, some guilty MTV pleasures remain!) do i find previews for the now-a-day episodes of The Real World featuring the first transvestite (you go girl! or boy!) but also past seasons of The Real World Hollywood where they literally had a stripper as a roommate. Then i remind myself shit, these are just kids who are like 19 or 20 years old. Of course i watched it when i was their age, it was a bit more relateable. Well.. Minus the whole transvestite and stripper gig. I may have stripped at that age, but I'll be damned if i did it for money. Ha..Yes, that was a joke. Now, watching isn't even an option. In fact, i only watch The Hills on MTV and everything else i happen to catch is during the fast forwarding and habitual rewinding once i fast forward too forward..if that makes sense.
As BIG was on a commercial, i started pondering this notion of growing up via television standards. When did i move from target audience to target audience. When did hours of Real World marathons turn into recording an episode of Paula's Home Cooking just because she was making a Quiche and i would like to try that some morning? It's not just the Food network either. I found myself torn on flipping between Property Virgins on HGTV or Bringing Home Baby on TLC during my commercials of BIG.
Which brings me back to BIG. I think this is the first valid time that i have watched it since my adolescence. It makes me sad. Sad to know the difference in the thought process of a child versus an adult. Watching it as a child i was in awe of the story line involving the toys and the freedom of fulfilling your childhood luxurious dreams because once you were big enough you could have everything you wanted. Except they didn't tell you in the movie that when you actually become big enough to get those things, you trade in the over sized trampoline for the over sized car payment, you substitute the floor piano for an area rug, and worst of all, the scene you swore to one day live out involving them gorging themselves in all the sweets you could imagine, has officially turned into banning all food past 8pm and only indulging in 90 calorie special K bars "on occasion".
The story of BIG is simple. A 12 year old boy makes a wish at a fairground machine to be big. He wakes up the next morning to find his wish has been granted but is the same 12 year old kid on the inside in an unfamiliar world of grown ups and jobs and responsibility. Except once he's stuck in the body of a 30 year old all he wants to do is go back to being a kid. They don't tell you that it'll really happen. I'm still determined to find a floor piano and bust out that scene where they play chopsticks :) Dream "Big"!
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Picking out THE wedding dress was the easiest part. For being a difficult indecisive person, it was only about 3 dresses in when i was like yep, this is the one. I didn't even try on the other two that were sitting there waiting to taunt me with their size 4 sample size saying "Buy me buy me, you'll save $300 if you could just binge and purge and be one of the 2% of brides that can actually fit into me."
Picking out the bridesmaid dress on the other hand..Complete different story. They should have a TLC show dedicated to this. Not so much "Say Yes To The Dress", but more of an extended Bridesmaid edition. And yes, i caught myself saying the one phrase i swore to myself i would never say, in odds of all bride stereotyping, which was "You could totally wear it again." Already I'm falling a victim to this bride stuff.
After browsing a few racks today with Danielle & Laura, i have found that a dress is a dress is a dress. What matters to me is that my girls love it, feel comfortable in it, and won't talk about how hideous it is behind my back! It's hard to please one person let alone seven, so i just hope at this point it will at least be comfortable for all. Today our bridesmaid dress browsing efforts paid off, and we narrowed it down to two. And in all honesty, if it were me, i really would wear either or again. That could be the delusional unintentional bride persona setting in, but i really would wear them. Cliche and all!
What i should have done was just had Jon picked them out. He would have had them picked out months ago, just like he had been itching to pick out the tuxes. If only he cared a little less about fashion and a little more about DJ's, photographers, videographers, and flowers, then this wedding would be locked down and all planned. And to think he asked if we should have a reception here in Minneapolis after the wedding. HELL NO! I told him when he intends on planning the first one then he can plan the second one. He didn't say much more about that idea afterwards, so I think one will do us in just fine :) I shouldn't bash on him too much though, because it's not like he's exactly dead weight in the planning process. It's more of the fact that he's more of a visionary. In other words he has thousands of ideas but lacks any sort of implementation skills.
For now, I'm glad i can actually cross 1 thing off of my list, which was purchasing the wedding gown. Hooray for progress, albeit slow and all :) I may not have an actual wedding (or reception for that matter) planned, but I'll be damned if i don't have the perfect dress to wear the day of!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
He wasn't always a creepy guy. In fact, today during the first half of the lecture he was endearingly labeled Cute Guy. His dreamy eyes and grunge/prep look is something the girls ought to dig, and top that off with a bout of actual intellectualism this guy has, the single girls should be flocking over him. I did make friends with him, as promised in my physics blog a few entries back. And my assumptions were right, as i have learned from him and he helped me on the last take home quiz which i got a 100% on. Yay me!
Initially, he wasn't even a people watching candidate. Really he was just obstructing my view from original Creepy Dude. But then i noticed him passing a note to the girl to the right of him, two people up from me. I thought this was endearing and automatically refocused my attention on the pair of them. For one, who passes notes beyond the third grade, and two, why not just talk to each other. Lord knows our Armenian professor seems to be half deaf and they won't be disturbing anyone, as most everyone in the class have given up any attempts at following the lectures. And then i saw her, with a little twinkle in her eye. Of course she likes him. He's definitely the likeable type. I could see the excitement of the potential in young puppy love and i thought to myself, how friggen cute. Then i see him tilt his notebook in her direction and inscribed on his college ruled tab of notebook paper read:
You= Kinda Cool (Sort of)
I about died. How bold of this guy, and again, how adorable. Focusing on her i could almost feel her butterflies because she was radiating with immense energy. Here I'm thinking... I wonder if they'll go on to have babies someday and will forever recount this very situation that is playing out right before my very own eyes. Then I'm thinking, i hope they don't blog and consequentially refer to me as Creepy Observer Stalker Girl..
He continued to amuse her all throughout class, drawing pictures of our Armenian professor with bubble words my spidey vision couldn't make out. He even drew out a geographical map of what for all i know was Armenia. Already i am amping up for the first day i get to witness their first quarrel, for sure this is a match made in love heaven. I was eagerly on cloud nine just imagining their possibilities, and having just talked about my own wedding plans with my new found school friends.
So then picture me, leaving class, all head in the clouds thinking about the amount of cuteness i had just witnessed. I had to stop off in the bookstore to grab my new math book for the second section of my online math class, and i was searching in the very last shelve which happened to be right by the door to the bookstore. Then to my surprise, i hear their voices right outside the door. And THIS is what transformed formerly Stereotype Breaking Guy, into Cute Guy, into Creepy Guy.
Her: "So tell me again how you remembered my name?"
Him: "I don't know, i just remembered."
Her: "This is the first time we've ever even talked?"
(Insert long awkward pause and great deal of hesitation)
Him: Ok, so i looked you up on facebook.
Her: (Immediately with a tone in her voice that i could tell she got creeped out) "You would have had to known my name to look me up on facebook."
Him: "I know, but i went on to eCompanion [the campus website] and turns out you can click on your class and view the roster."
Her: Why where you in there doing that?
Him: Well... I thought it would be cool to find people in our class on facebook.
Her: Oh, so you're one of those people? What were you intending on doing once you found someone.
Him: I never got that far.
Her: But you got far enough as to scour through all the female names in the class, strategically searching for each one on facebook, to match the names to their pictures?
Him: I can send you a friend request.
Her: I have to get going to my next class.
Makes me wonder how many other people out there in my various classes have gone to the same extremes he has of downloading the class roster off of eCompanion and then strategically searching facebook for the members of your class. Have i been searched? Entertaining enough for one day. We'll see if he grows increasingly creepier next week.
And i wonder why my grade in Physics stresses me out!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Every morning i wake up at about 8:30 and i think to myself how much easier life would be if i could just get up and out of bed. I even think to myself, I'm just laying here anyways, so what's the difference of laying here in bed or going down on the couch, but then i submit to the lesser of the evils and fall back asleep. I may even wake again at 9:30 and go through the same thought processes. Usually this time around i try to open my eyes and keep them open, but they slowly close and before i know it it's 10:30 and I'm waking up again, only to force myself out of bed. I never want to get out of bed, but for some reason i would feel extra guilty if i were to sleep past 10:30. So one could rationalize that either way I'm forcing myself out of bed, so might as well do it earlier and feel better about the day right? If only i could get to bed before 2am like normal people.
I guess i can't help it, I've been bound to a tight schedule for 9 years since high school and suddenly i have this new found realm of freedom, where i feel like this is the first, only, and last time in my life that i will ever have this careless freedom to SLEEP.IN.EVERY.DAY! Never again will i not have to work in my life until most likely i someday have to take maternity leave, which i have been exposed many a time before to the argument of how much sleep deprivation a baby causes.
I know these brutal facts may want to make some people kill me, especially the ones fortunate enough to have to drag themselves out of bed at about 6am to go to work for the day. But trust me when i say unemployment isn't as glamorous as i had imagined. Granted, i am putting probably more work than is required for a 40+ hour week job into my full time schoolwork, which seems to be never ending, so it's not really like I'm just unemployed and bumming around the house. But this is how i imagined my unemployment playing out:
To Do List:
Clean the garage
Feverishly spring clean entire house
Plan the wedding
Watch Ellen while drinking my coffee every morning
Make dinner every evening
Yada, yada, yada
So far in my 4 1/2 weeks of unemployment not only have i not gotten to one single thing on that list, but i think i have actually set myself back on it. I now have a cluttered closet full of about 5 boxes of pictures that i took from my mom and sister when i declared "Trust me, it will only take me a week to go through these and sort them and get them in albums." Now they sit there, collecting dust, giving me utter disgust every time i open the closet. One of my other closets is congested with all of my paint supplies that are spread out because i don't have the heart to neatly store them away, again, convinced i would actually have the time to finish the painting i started 10 months ago. And the wedding is a whole other batch of Psyche issues. There's a reason i haven't really mentioned the wedding in my blog. I like to pretend it doesn't exist and that I'm not behind by 100 different things.
I know i shouldn't be complaining, and I'm not really, more or less rationalizing. I guess I'm still getting use to this new schedule and seeing what works for me. I just know that waking up at 10:30 isn't an option to have a productive day (or life for that matter), so maybe I'll stick to a 9am schedule and sleep in on the weekends and have more time to do things other than school work.
For now, it's done with blogging and back to cleaning. I can't successfully do any homework until the house is somewhat clean, because all I'll be able to think about is how i need to clean, making it one more thing on my to do list. And i hate the thought of things to do on my to do list.
At least i can cross blogging off for the day :)
Monday, March 2, 2009
12:00am: Thinking to myself, Jon has already gotten more sleep tonight then i will the rest of the night. Again, highly jealous.
1:00am: I find myself watching interesting infomercials. Including one for a drug called Alteril which is an all natural sleep medicine. For the first time in my life i consider calling the 1-800 number and ordering from an infomercial. At this rate I'd probably call and buy a SHAMWOW if it came on.
1:45am: I find myself on http://www.alteril.com/ which makes me giggle.
2:00am: I officially shut the TV off, thinking it keeps my brain running and doesn't help. I turn the lamp off and sit in the dark like some sort of loony hoping the darkness will make me feel any sort of tired. All i can think is how weird would this look right now if Jon happened to wake out of his coma and see me just sitting here in the dark. C.R.E.E.P.Y.
2:05am: Get creeped out and think the ficus tree in my kitchen is staring at me. Bad ficus, Bad. Open my computer for a little light.
2:30am: Run out of things to google. Start sampling all the soundscape albums in the itunes store. Crickets, annoying.. Rain, makes me want to pee.. Thunder, startles me.. The thought occurs to me the only thing that might lull me to sleep is the sound of a ticking clock. I scour the itunes store and can't find anything and wonder how much money i could make if i were to produce a ticking clock album??
3:00am: Crawl into bed with Jon, who has taken my pillow hostage under his head. With no concern for awakening him i weasel the pillow out from underneath him, only for him to smack his head on the head board. He doesn't even wake up. He's still in his sleep coma.
3:10am: Literally start counting sheep. I get to 2 and then start thinking 1,2 Freddie's coming for you.. 3,4 better shut the door.. 5,6 better crucifix.. 7,8 better stay up late.. 9,10 never sleep again. This creeps me out and reaffirms the fact that I'll never sleep so i stop counting.
3:11am-4:00am: Fall asleep FINALLY.. only to awaken in hour minute intervals the rest of the night (err...morning). Might i mention Jon has already received what is considered a full nights sleep by the time i am just going to bed.
10:00am: Wake up.
I'm really hoping to break this pattern. I've always had insomnia, but have never really tried what the doctor most recommends, which is a good diet, exercise, and regular sleep patterns. I'm working on the diet, have started exercising, and now if only i could get myself on a 11pm-9am sleep pattern. I'm determined though. Had i just taken an Ambien, my night last night would have played out like this:
9:30pm: Jon narcks out on me, i take my Ambien.
11:00pm: The Ambien kicks in.
12:00am: I fall into a deep sleep.
9am: I wake.
We'll see how tonight goes. If this keeps up i should be able to keep up on my blog at least. I run out of things to do in the midnight hours. I think i shall go pour myself a glass of wine as a quick fix.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Tonight all of these frightening allegations have become a permanent resident in my mind. While sitting at the kitchen table, innocently doing my math homework (no thanks to Seriously Carla not doing her assigned section AGAIN), i happened to feel a presence, as i sometimes do. To my dismay, i literally lifted my head and SAW A FREAKING PERSON IN A SKI MASK smack dab through the window at my front door. I about peed myself while seriously thinking i may go into cardiac arrest. Who goes around wearing a ski mask, let alone wearing them at my very own front door? Serial Killers? Probably. Mass Murderers? I'm sure. Rapists? Definitely.
Seriously though, who wears a ski mask? Apparently our grounds keepers from the association of our town homes do, because it was just a friendly dude coming to shovel the foot of snow off of our steps from the dumping on of winter we got today.
I'm almost 100% positive i will have nightmares of ski mask terror tonight. Maybe I'll double up on the ambien, just to be sure I don't :)
Thursday, February 26, 2009
First of all, I'm going to Quentin Tarantino this story and start with the best part of the story, which is the end. This story ends with the PRP pooping in her hands. Yes. Her hands. Yes, I said poop. Imagine taking a big ole crapper right in the palm of your very own hands. Maybe it's my sick sense of humor that finds this unbelievably hilarious, but the events leading up to it explain the hilariousness of it all.
"SHIT! I think i just did something really bad!" These are words one can expect to hear from someone who lacks a garbage disposal and for whatever reason felt throwing it in the garbage wasn't an option. Yes, we all know of people who dump soup down the toilet. I've never been one of them because I've always lived with a garbage disposal. Soup is explainable. Too chunky for the sink, yet too runny for the garbage. But i ask you this... What about a Pot Roast? The PRP will defend herself and say she was distracted while talking on the phone with her mom, subconsciously following the motions of dumping soup down the toilet. Except this time it was a pot roast. So obviously, the words "SHIT! I think i just did something really bad," came out during the swirling of the flushing mechanism once chunks of potatoes, carrots, and pot roast flushed down the pipes, making the most ugliest gurgling sound one could probably only imagine.
What happens next probably isn't a surprise. The toilet broke. What does this mean when you live in a one bedroom one bathroom apartment and your toilet is broke? You can't go to the bathroom. Luckily for the PRP, she works all day and can relieve herself at work.... Or can she? Nobody likes to poop in public, let alone at work where you're doomed to have one of your fellow office mates walk in mid splash and notice your very distinguishable Keen sandals and identify you as the culprit of the sudden stench occupying the bathroom.
Four days later is when the story gets even better.
Fresh off a one night stand where there were fireworks, the PRP found herself in a new relationship. New relationships are great, especially the time in your relationship where you can't even fathom farting in front of him, let alone excusing yourself to politely take a dump with him waiting in the other room. Making his first official weekend stay, the PRP nervously was ignoring the persistent cramps from going 4 days sans bowel movement. According to her, the maintenance guy had came to check things out, said he needed a part of some kind, and was still working on it. With her not wanting to fess up to her pot roast flushing mistake, he wasn't really sure what the problem was. She had needed to poop for 4 days now, but just could not bear to do it in public. So one can only imagine where the moment of holding it in meets the moment where you lose all bowel containing abilities. Which brings me to the first part of our story, where the PRP undeniably pooped into her hands.
Let me present to you other options besides pooping in your hands:
1- You could....Poop in the trash.
2- You could....Run to the store and use a public restroom.. god forbid..
3- You could....Run through a list of all other possible options and execute them, whatever it is, rather than pooping in your hands.
Let me illustrate this fine conversation when i questioned her with the questions that are probably plaguing your thoughts right now at this point during this not so mother goose story:
Me: Why didn't you just poop in the trash?!?!"
PRP: I thought about that, but then i realized I'd have to walk the trash out past him.
Me: So, you could just say you were taking the trash out!
PRP: But i had just changed the trash.
Me: (sarcastically) So your obvious choice then was to poop into your hands?
PRP: I grabbed a Chinese takeout box. I figured I'd put the poop in there, and then walk it out to the garbage.
Me: So you'd walk a small take out box full of shit past him but you won't take the garbage out in front of him? WTF!
PRP: I felt as though the take out box was less conspicious.
Me: Why not just poop right into the takeout box then?
PRP: What if i missed or it got on the edges?
Me: So why not poop into a plastic bag and put the plastic bag into the takeout box?
Silence.... Apparently she didn't think of this.
And the best part, is that after she pooped into her hands she realized she needed a free hand to grab toilet paper and wipe. She didn't narrate this portion of the story, and I'm glad, because even had she, i doubt I'd blog about it.
Someday, if i'm lucky enough, i'll have a follow up blog where maybe i can enlist her as a guest blogger to retell her story in the first person narrative, as the way she tells this story is H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S.!
I Love my friends :)
Saturday, February 21, 2009
This however, made my day this morning and may have for at least momentarily, changed my views on cats. This is just my humor. Completely stupid. (Make sure your volume is on!)
And if this wasn't entertaining enough, check this dude out who mocked this poor little girl, the original creator of Kittins, Inspired By Kittens. Without further ado.. I give you Cats, Inspired By Kittens, Inspired By Kittins.
Hope you share the laughs. I know i get a kick out of it!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
This Armenian physics professor has quite undoubtedly become my Nemesis.
I knew going into the first real test that i would fail. Not because I'm stupid. Not because i can't learn it. More so because this professor is crazy and it's just impossible to either understand him or interpret what he is trying to teach or even expect from us. One could say you can self teach yourself out of the book, but he doesn't quite follow the book to be able to do that. Either way it leaves you screwed. The one thing i was banking on was the retake. How does it make sense that you would be better off failing the first test, and retaking it for a better grade? Here are my reasons for purposely planning on being an underachiever and failing the test:
1-Not only does he cut the questions in half on the retake, but he also eliminates all of the "harder" questions.
2-Also, during said retake, you are allowed to take it whenever you want, wherever you want, for as long as you want. So never mind that hour and twenty minutes you had in a closed classroom void of all learning materials the first time around. The retake grants you the opportunity to take it at home, or in the library, with all of your resources in front of you, and the most valuable resources of all. Wait for it.
3-THE ORIGINAL TEST AND ALL OF THE ANSWERS!
Where is the physics in this? How does this even make sense. Granted he does average the two, but you would have to be an idiot to not get 100% on the retake, and even if you failed with say a 50% on the first one that still gives you an overall of 75%.. Reach for the stars, i know. But at this point all i need is a 70% to pass the class and move on to next semester where i will meet my Armenian doom yet again in Radiologic Physics. I'm not so scared of that though, because it narrows in on one specific physics category, versus this general crap that has us learning stuff that is just beyond me, obviously, given the current situation and my grade.
So without further ado, i shall reveal my first in class physics test score.....62%.. ARE YOU KIDDING ME! 62%.. Had i just been 2% more stupider, i would have been allowed to take the retake, but because i got over a 60% i can't. Where is the justice in this? I can honestly say this was the first time i got a test back and was mad that i didn't do worse.
I guess in the end I'm not worried. I know I'll pull through, i always do. So far being the overzealous student that i am this time around, i am running straight A's down the board, with the exception of physics. In my defense, that first section was the hardest section, so says the Armenian professor. And i did skip ahead and there are no more advanced algebraic or calculus equations that I'll need to learn, considering i'm still in short bus math with Seriously Carla?. Now we'll straight up be getting into what i call the fun physics, the periodical table, elements, atoms, matter, big bang theory and all that fun stuff that made me love physics to begin with.
I really do love physics, and have always loved physics. I have also been good at physics. So I'm just going to take this first section and shelve it, and know with the material that is yet to come i should be able to at least pull a B for a final grade. Or at least i hope so, because i have to take a total of 3 physics class. General Physics, Radiologic Physics, and Radiobiology Physics. Bring it bitches, no Armenian is going to take me down!
I was going to wrap this up and bring a point to it all, but my thought process was interrupted slightly.. What if i changed one of my correct answers and just pointed it out to the professor and were to be confused about which one was wrong or right.. Then it would be wrong and there's my 60% retake heaven! I am seriously going to try it come Tuesday when i come face to face with my nemesis yet again.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
The funny thing about the end of an argument is that for me anyways, there is that awkward three days before life can return back to normalcy. You can most certainly forget make up BLEEP, because I'm still bitter, and will be bitter for 2-3 days. I do however take little steps throughout the course of the fight aftermath to make an attempt at resuming our normal lives.
I like to make my peace offerings in sutler harsh ways.
Instead of getting from me: "Honey, i made you some Delicious Spanish rice, would you like to have some?"
He gets (in a Hitler like tone) from me: "I made food, do you want some or not."
Nice enough gesture on my end.. I could have eaten it all myself, but that would have been very rude. Food around here is legal tender when it comes to fighting. I will purposely go out and buy a foot long sub from subway knowing we have no food in the house and he is starving, just to eat it in front of him and be like maybe if you weren't such an a**, then 6 inches of this could be yours! (I'm still waiting for the counter attack from him when he says well maybe if YOU weren't such a b*tch then this 6 inches could be yours. haha) It sounds so mean, but i will always cave. He got that last 6 inches, of course i felt bad and put it in the fridge for him.
Food does become peace offerings around here though. It turns into him saying thanks with his tail between his legs, and me being like whatever, i was hungry and had to cook something anyways. But we both know, the flood gates are now open for rehealing.
Then eventually he should say something of the sorts: "My heavenly domesticated goddess, what a wonderfully blissful job you have done on the house."
What i get from him, as he's frothing at his Spanish rice since he hasn't eaten is: "House looks nice."
[Quick fact- I power clean when i'm irate]
Baby steps people.. Baby steps..
This is day 2 of fight. Day 3 usually continues with a lighter heartier part of the rehealing process. Usually laundry related to initiate conversation. One or the other gives in and asks, "any laundry you'd like done?".. And as much as I'd like to say NO, BUT THERE'S SOME LAUNDRY I'D LIKE TO PACK, I refrain from it. (yes, Dane Cook reference!) Usually sometime along in the sorting process, 2 piece conversations start to take place, a sort of fill in of the last two days events and what they've missed. Then no sooner do you know it you're both gossiping like silly school folk and although there is still thin ice, you proceed, caution or no caution ahead.
And then finally day 4. BREATH! It has passed, life can resume as normal and you spend your time as if you had been away from each other those past 3 or 4 days and catch up on watching all of your missed recorded shows, because no matter how mad you are at the other deep down you know it would be wrong to watch without the other one. So as we're finally warily cuddling on the couch watching back to back recordings of American Idol, we start to comment as if we're music critics, starting little wagers on who will win or who will get kicked off.
Around that time is when i go into the kitchen and scoop out a bowl of ice cream, the official no words peace offering, and life is now able to resume as it was before. I set the bowl down in front of him, he eats his and i eat mine, and we sit there and just enjoy our ice cream and have weathered the storm.
The peace is in the food.. The peace is in the food..
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Lets take a look at exhibit A: The story of Seriously Carla?
I have been having a bit of trouble with my online math class and the weekly team portion. And when i say trouble i mean i feel as though i am the only one stepping up, doing the 1 or 2 people per week's problems that don't get done, and feel as though i am babysitting my team. Consequentially, i was caught in a bad moment and opened my mouth when i should have kept it shut, fueling an online math feud with what is probably some 18 year old. There is no better way to tell it than to flat out copy and paste the dialogue from the discussion board!
Hey team, does anyone mind stepping up and doing number 70 and 76? I noticed that everyone has 7 to 8 problems while I was assigned 12... Thank you to anyone that can help out.
Seriously Carla? It is just two additional questions, you can do the stepping up and finish your assigned section instead of asking everyone else who have already completed and submitted their sections do them for you over something as trivial as a difference of two questions.It will take you an additional 5 minutes, not to mention you got the first section which is always the easiest in the chapters. Kayla- Since you are team leader next week can you make sure to remember to assign Carla the least problems than the rest of the group?
So..... Maybe i took it a step further than i needed when i added the part about assigning her the least problems the next week. But seriously... SERIOUSLY. I stand firm that it was a bit ridiculous she was complaining about two extra problems. Mind you, this is MA096 (yes, i placed into short bus math). Those two extra problems consisted of turning decimals into percentages. It's not like we're working physics problems [see 77% in my take home quiz]. So naturally, Carla fired back.
Let's get something clear, I asked a question... If no one wanted to do it then it is what it is. For the record Heather DO NOT EVER SPEAK TO ME IN THAT FORMAT AGAIN.
I love technology and the emphasis of angry with Caps Lock :) Taking what i thought would be the higher road, i attempted to squash the situation.
I apologize if my message came across in a bad way, i meant it in more of a sarcastic tone than demeaning. I just felt it was all a bit unnecessary to ask if someone else could do two additional problems.
Probably a bit unnecessary that i had to throw that last dig in, but still. It continued on, except i learned to just shut my trap and hopefully she'll get over it. The thought did occur to me had i not said anything, either someone else would have, or it would have blown over and she would have just did her two extra problems and nothing would have even been noticed.
I can't help that I'm a bit of a firecracker at times. I say what is on my mind, and i try to contain myself. Containment is key, coming from a girl who went through anger management in college. I do now love the saying loose lips sink ships. Someday I'll learn to just keep it shut, but until then i can't help but say "Seriously Carla?"
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Freeky physics kid was back on his A game today, picking and eating away. I also realized why he has splotchy patches of facial hair, and this is because he picks the hair off his face as well. Literally. I must put a name with this mystifying character and at the least introduce myself to him as he very much so is intriguing and looks to be in need of a friend to teach him appropriate public behavior. He sat two rows away today and about four seats more in front, which tells me that my attempt failed of letting him catch me see him pick his scalp and eat it then hopefully get embarrassed and not do it again. He must not be well versed in Geography. Just because you changed locations does not mean i still can't see you. I bet he's the type of person who gets 100%'s on his take home Physics test, unlike my nice high C average. I could benefit from such a friendship.
I also made a new observation today while in Physics. (Maybe if i weren't so busy people watching i wouldn't be getting that 77%'s, oh wait, that would require having something to pay attention to in class other than my i don't speak your language professor.) Anyways, not sure if i can consider this a new observation or not. I did notice this guy. He was "that" guy on the first day of class, strolling in about 10 minutes late, slacker appearance, looks like he should more so be playing guitars in Pot Belly sub shops. Seemed cool, or at least the type of guy i use to hang around in college. He selectively chose the farthest chair in the back nestled in the corner, amidst spider webs practically, and that's where he has remained the last three weeks. I am within a radius of him, and occasionally while chatting it up with my new friend he will pipe in with like a dude, or a hey, where we supposed to turn that assignment in. Typical slacker. But slacker surprised me today, and i loved it, because just when you think you have something stereotyped they totally prove you wrong, which i personally find amazing. It's like finding a *black* sheep in wolves clothing.. sneaky sneaky. So non slacker boy piped up in class today saying he had a question and continued to go on and on about all these contradictions and yada yada's. I wasn't paying much attention at this point because the conversation was beyond me, but surprising nonetheless. This guy obviously is not a slacker and seems intelligence. Maybe I'll make friends with him and can compare take home quizzes.
Which brings me to my next point of this entertaining Physics class. The professor sets up the class so it is fool proof. Probably because if he managed the classroom like a normal professor would none of his students would pass because nobody would know what they're doing from lack of understanding any bit of his lecture due to his extremely heavily obnoxious Armenian accent. So he gives us take home tests all semester long, with 2 or 3 non take home tests in between. BUT, the 2 or 3 tests that we take in the classroom, all are questions off of the take home tests that we get to keep. So really, you'd have to be an idiot to not even get at least a 90%. WRONG! I am no an idiot, and i am actually rather smart, besides the point in saying stupid things, i am smart and always have been. I don't accept anything under an A-, and when anything under an A- presents itself i get mad. It was a TAKE. HOME. TEST.!! Seriously, is there no excuse why one can't get 100%? Well, there must be, because i managed to get a 77%. One more percent and i at least would of had a C+. At least it was the first one, i can make it up and get my A still. Maybe if i gained any useful knowledge whatsoever from my professor, i could have gotten 100%. Let me give you an example, or i should say an example of what i was able to make out, of his rants and raves. This man is very excitable about his work, as most Physicists are I'm sure.
So the lecture starts out about velocity and the relation to distance and time. And he starts charting all sorts of things on the boards and drawing straight lines and explaining finding the area of such and such.. Simple at first, this point to that and it makes a rectangle or triangle on the grid and then calculating the area based on bla ba bla. Simple enough. Then, he spends about 30 minutes on this one graph, the kind of crazy graph that looks like a drunk walking in a "straight" line. It's all over the place, and it's shadowed in, and he's explaining all these complex theories of fixes and saying how this relates to calculus (A- I haven't even had algebra yet, let along calculus, B- and placed into the two "dumb" math courses.). Anyways, he's going on and on about it and in the meanwhile I'm having a mini panic attack because it's again so beyond me and WTF is this guy talking about, but I'm diligently working on taking the notes, two full pages and all... and then he says."zwell, zoo doo hnot heev to elurrn such conzepts." Or in other words, he got excited and went off on this tangent and we're all looking like fire starters with our pencils just working away and then nope, you don't actually have to know any of this, so erase anything you just saw from your minds. Way complex physical equations that we do not discuss in general physics. Oh, and i wonder how i got that 77%? Sure wasn't lack of studying, that's for sure.
So that's all for now. My blog has successfully made my eyes a bit heavier. It's 12:18 and the ambien is kickin in, and i have *work* tomorrow. 2 more days! Can't wait until Thursday when to see what progress i can make with these folks in this self entertaining physics world i have landed in.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
I remember once in college a time before Christmas break during exam week. I managed to only have exams on Monday so had the entire week off, and my friend Matt had decided he just didn't give a f*ck and figured he'd skip all of his exams. Matt and i had a friendly bet who could stay up the longest. The wager of course being a few 40's of Bull Ice. I stayed awake for 4 nights and 5 days straight, winning the bet of course. We drank the majority of the time, spent a night sledding until we were just about hypothermic on one of the worst snowfalls that year, and all the time in between kept a watchful eye upon one another. We rode back home together that year for Christmas. Somewhere along Seney stretch and sobriety i dozed off. When i awoke i noticed we were just about entirely in the other lane, and then i noticed he had dozed off as well. I drove the rest of the way. A few months later he killed himself by falling asleep at the wheel and driving himself into a ditch.
I don't know why, but every time i decide to not take an ambien and spend the night in a transient phase of restlessness i think of him, and those 4 nights.
So, that was a story of a girl named insomnia, and 4 nights she'll never forget and always remember on a sleepless night. RIP Brunk, I still miss your mug after all these years...Matt Brunky, That Funky Brunky :)
Thursday, January 22, 2009
1- Don't wear a faux fur coat to a school where there is a vet tech program. This will not earn you any friends and will only gain you dirty looks and isolation in the student lounge. (Note to self) Go buy a fleece jacket, because 100% genuine leather is no better than 0% fur.
2- As much as your eyes may want to wander towards the creepy kid next to you in Physics class with the Jeffrey Dahmer sense of fashion, keep your attention on the Armenian speaking professor, whether you can understand him or not. Staring at said creepy kid will only result in you physically witnessing him scratch the scabs on his head, roll them between his finger and thumb and then yes... wait for it... EAT IT! This is no lie. This will happen, and continue to happen, if you stare at creepy kid.
3- When the director asks you to sign permission to do a background check for the committee of ethics and explains how any priors will result in forbidance to sit for your board exams, just sign it and then drop out of the program. Don't get up and walk out. We know you're a felon now, and we see you on campus. Let's hope he doesn't make friends with creepy Physics kid.
Of course I've learned all sorts of other scholarly things, but i can't help but find amusement in this old yet familiar world i have landed in. 27 months and 2 weeks left!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
I am a firm believer in the philosophy of your childhood upbringing doesn’t necessarily dictate the person you become in life. Recent events in my life have lead me to believe my theories are wrong.
My mom was by no means neglectful. However, being a single mom of 4 with a lack of health insurance, I am fully understanding of her not raising us on good dental check up morals. Flash forward 26 years and here I am, still not going to the dentist. After all, my chompers have never bothered me, so if it ain’t broke don’t fix it right? The thought finally occurred to me that I have been paying for dental insurance for 5 years now, and this said dental insurance comes with one free exam a year and two free cleanings per year and it is straight up absurd that I am not taking advantage of this and seeing a dentist regularly. In typical not knowing what you’ve got until it’s gone fashion, I decided that before I lose the insurance at the end of the month I should probably get my free exam and cleaning out of the deal.
How bad can it be? Plop in the chair, suffer through a little scraping, rinse with some fluoride, make my I intend to cancel follow up appointment and be done a half hour later right? WRONG! 2 hours, 9 cavities, and 1 case of gingivitis later I leave the dental office without a cleaning, 2 sets of x-rays due to the incompetent hygienist who messed them up the first round and had to re do them, and 3 follow up appointments. Total value of visit: $2700. Total coverage: 80%. What on earth happened to this free innocent trip to the dentist office before my insurance gets the axe? Why wouldn’t something like this happen to me? I am a poster child for hypochondriacs across America.
Is it wrong to feel dirty after such findings? I am a hygienic person. I will admit, I do only brush my teeth in the morning, and I don’t floss. Who really flosses? Honestly? Who flosses everyday? Apparently I am going to start, as well as brushing before bed and rinsing with Listerine on the hour every hour. In my defense, the cavities were extremely minimal as well as my case of inflamed gums. It’s not like my teeth are rotting and falling out. Is this karma for calling Jon Jongivitis?
Moral of the story. Go to the dentist if you’re due or you may end up with scurvy.