Wednesday, March 4, 2009

To Sleep..Or Not To Sleep..

So... I relapsed last night. Don't you judge me! I was in desperate need of a good nights sleep and had to be awake my 8:30 this morning to go drop off my car at the dealership. I am finding, that rising before 9am has many perks. The first of those perks is eating breakfast during breakfast time, and not at 11 when i should be eating lunch. And then there were the two homework assignments i turned in for my new online math class (Seriously Carla free), the load of dishes now mid-cycle, trash taken out, and serious amounts of cleaning i now feel compelled to do with this new found time on my hands. Usually at this time of the day before 1, i am still finishing my pot of coffee and only slightly thinking about getting started on half of the things that i probably would not have gotten to in the first place.

Every morning i wake up at about 8:30 and i think to myself how much easier life would be if i could just get up and out of bed. I even think to myself, I'm just laying here anyways, so what's the difference of laying here in bed or going down on the couch, but then i submit to the lesser of the evils and fall back asleep. I may even wake again at 9:30 and go through the same thought processes. Usually this time around i try to open my eyes and keep them open, but they slowly close and before i know it it's 10:30 and I'm waking up again, only to force myself out of bed. I never want to get out of bed, but for some reason i would feel extra guilty if i were to sleep past 10:30. So one could rationalize that either way I'm forcing myself out of bed, so might as well do it earlier and feel better about the day right? If only i could get to bed before 2am like normal people.

I guess i can't help it, I've been bound to a tight schedule for 9 years since high school and suddenly i have this new found realm of freedom, where i feel like this is the first, only, and last time in my life that i will ever have this careless freedom to SLEEP.IN.EVERY.DAY! Never again will i not have to work in my life until most likely i someday have to take maternity leave, which i have been exposed many a time before to the argument of how much sleep deprivation a baby causes.

I know these brutal facts may want to make some people kill me, especially the ones fortunate enough to have to drag themselves out of bed at about 6am to go to work for the day. But trust me when i say unemployment isn't as glamorous as i had imagined. Granted, i am putting probably more work than is required for a 40+ hour week job into my full time schoolwork, which seems to be never ending, so it's not really like I'm just unemployed and bumming around the house. But this is how i imagined my unemployment playing out:

To Do List:
Clean the garage
Feverishly spring clean entire house
Plan the wedding
Watch Ellen while drinking my coffee every morning
Make dinner every evening
Yada, yada, yada

So far in my 4 1/2 weeks of unemployment not only have i not gotten to one single thing on that list, but i think i have actually set myself back on it. I now have a cluttered closet full of about 5 boxes of pictures that i took from my mom and sister when i declared "Trust me, it will only take me a week to go through these and sort them and get them in albums." Now they sit there, collecting dust, giving me utter disgust every time i open the closet. One of my other closets is congested with all of my paint supplies that are spread out because i don't have the heart to neatly store them away, again, convinced i would actually have the time to finish the painting i started 10 months ago. And the wedding is a whole other batch of Psyche issues. There's a reason i haven't really mentioned the wedding in my blog. I like to pretend it doesn't exist and that I'm not behind by 100 different things.

I know i shouldn't be complaining, and I'm not really, more or less rationalizing. I guess I'm still getting use to this new schedule and seeing what works for me. I just know that waking up at 10:30 isn't an option to have a productive day (or life for that matter), so maybe I'll stick to a 9am schedule and sleep in on the weekends and have more time to do things other than school work.

For now, it's done with blogging and back to cleaning. I can't successfully do any homework until the house is somewhat clean, because all I'll be able to think about is how i need to clean, making it one more thing on my to do list. And i hate the thought of things to do on my to do list.

At least i can cross blogging off for the day :)

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