Thursday, November 20, 2008

Heather Heuer M.D.

So I'm not really a qualified medical doctor, but i have decidedly self diagnosed myself with Hypoglycemia. Thank you Google!

What started off as an innocent sweet tooth lead to a crazed scavenger hunt for any form of sugar in our house. Realizing that Jon and I's new diet has cut out sugar and our lack of grocery shopping in anticipation of Thanksgiving, this did not go over well with our pantry. We did not have ANY sugar like goodness in our kitchen. None. Zilch. Nodda. No cake batter or brownie mix, no ice cream, no cookies, not even any sugar infested cereal like Fruity Pebbles. Hankering like a crack addict and wanting anything containing sugar, i considered making oatmeal just to sprinkle some brown sugar on it. Then i saw that our milk had an expiration date of November 7th... It's the 20th. Still considering oatmeal as a possibility i sat and stared into the fridge as if it was Narnia, waiting for a miracle, waiting for some morsel of sugar to jump out at me. How does one not have any sugar in their kitchen. Seriously?

And then i saw it nestled in the crisper in between the ever so healthy baby carrots and multi-grain bagels. Pillsbury Cinnamon Buns. I think i wet myself i was so excited. Not only was i glad i wouldn't have to resort to drinking chocolate syrup, but it also secures my morning sugar fix and quite possibly tomorrow night's sugar fix as well, so long as Jon doesn't get to them first. All is well in the land of Hypoglycemia.

For the record, I don't really think I'm hypoglycemic, but i had to laugh at the Wikipedia description:

"Hypoglycemia can produce a variety of symptoms and effects but the principal problems arise from an inadequate supply of glucose as fuel to the brain, resulting in impairment of function (neuroglycopenia). Derangements of function can range from vaguely "feeling bad" to coma and (rarely) permanent brain damage or death. Hypoglycemia can arise from many causes and can occur at any age. It also sometimes occurs at random."

Impairment of function, derangement, occurs at random. That was definitely me tonight an that was all i needed to confirm my self diagnosis. Maybe i should Wikipedia Hypochondriac :)

Monday, November 17, 2008

Bring on the Stove Top

T-minus 10 days and counting! I am attempting to host Thanksgiving dinner this year. Key word being attempt. Once Momma Sal jumps in all is fair in love and turkey.

Coming to the realization that i ought to go get the groceries this week for my big hosting debut i felt it necessary to call up my mom and finalize the menu and then all the ingredients needed for each. After all, one can say she wants green bean casserole but how does one go about making it, what does one need. Do we go classic cream of mushroom or do we do cream of chicken (ode to Danielle). Keep in mind we have all been discussing the menu for about three weeks now. It caters to your basic gobbler day needs:

Rolls... check
Stuffing... check
Mashed & Sweet Potatoes... double check
Cranberry Sauce.. check
Green Bean Casserole, California Melody, yada yada... check

Every time mention of the menu came up Momma Sal grew ecstatic of the cornbread stuffing that she's going to make. How could i forget, she reminds me every time we talk. "And oh yeah, I'm going to make the corn bread stuffing." I think she thinks it's quite culinary because it's Paula Dean or something, who knows. All i know is we've tried it before and it's not that nobody likes it, but rather everyone prefers just good ole dependable traditional stuffing. This inevitably came up in a side discussion with the Megan. Megan proposed i should just mention to mom that we should just do regular stuffing, but how can i break a mothers heart when she is SOOO excited over this damn cornbread stuffing. So then we come up with this brilliant idea.. Let's do both!!! Until we envision a nice full corningwear dish of cornbread stuffing going unscathed as we break into fist fights over the last of the Stove Top leaving my mom to ponder why nobody ate any of it besides her. Note to self, remember to take portions of both stuffing dishes. Still, none of us have the heart to mention anything.

Moving on from the stuffing dilemma, lets discuss the evolution of the grocery list conversation [Momma Sal responses]

Okay, so i do i need anything special for the turkey? [Well i can bring the Turkey, they're on sale for 99cents/lb here] Mom, i think i can manage picking up the Turkey. What do we need for the stuffing? [Well i have my corn bread stuffing mix that I'm bringing, just get celery and onions. Oh, and i also got some red potatoes because they were on sale at Cedarville Pantry so just get sour cream for the mashed potatoes and then i also have a some cans of sweet potatoes in the cupboard that I'm planning on bringing. And I'm making my pistachio dessert so i can bring the leftover marshmallows to use for the sweet potatoes.] Mom, seriously, i can handle picking up a bag of marshmallows. [But I'll just bring them anyways]. Not wanting to start a battle i just let her decide on bringing along a half opened bag of marshmallows sure to grow stale or at least amoeba's on the 9 hour trip it will endure here. After realizing she plans on bringing everything else required for the entree i ask what type of pies i should get. This, she is actually letting me get. But she didn't forget to remind me to pick up 3 containers of Cool Whip. Why we need three, I'm not exactly sure, but I'm not questioning the gobbler goddess.

On to Happy Appy's. Bridget wants to do Sliders, or "White Castles" as my mom calls them, even though I'm pretty sure there are no White Castles within 700 miles of DeTour, but nonetheless. Which leads to mom insisting she can also bring the hamburger. Mmmmmmm, that'll taste good after 9 hours in the car. Seriously Sal? This battle i won. But then we started discussing the Taco Salad that mom wants to make and of course she'll also bring the shredded lettuce, tomatoes, and green peppers. The green peppers may hold up, but I'm guessing no Tupperware even made by NASA will keep that lettuce fresh. Oh Mom! Bless her heart for mothering me. After all, it is her first Thanksgiving away from home. Or maybe second. So the grocery list is finalized, I'm pretty sure i can check salmonella off the list and have convinced my mom only to bring non perishable items with her in the car, and the conversation is done.. or is it?

After realizing my coupon for 58cents/lb seemed too good to be true i read that it said Jennie-O Hen or Tom Turkey. WTF is a Tom Turkey? After calling my mom to answer this question I'm still not sure. Is it a male turkey? That seemed to be Momma Sal's answer. So i hang up and two seconds later the phone rings. CONVINCED it will be her saying, I'll just bring the turkey, i answer and all i get on the other line is, Do you want to just do Stove Top? Wondering if Megan finally called her up and called her out i take the political route and suggest doing both. Megan said she didn't, which leaves me to ponder why on earth the change of heart. Does she not even like it herself but thinks we love it because we probably held a fake rave in it's honor? One may never know, and I'm not going to question. I say bring on the Stove Top, but maybe i will pass on it and reach right for the Cornbread stuffing. I might even force down seconds :)

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Happy Hour & The Horoscope

Am i THE only person in this world who hates "Happy Hours"??? I'm not talking about the occasional "hey, lets go get a drink, its 2 for 1 happy hour." I'm talking about the 3 month notice of some work function happy hour where if you hear one more random person from some department like accounting ask if you're going to the happy hour in 5 weeks just because you're standing there awkwardly next to each other while waiting for the coffee to brew, you might seriously consider going vampire bat on their jugular with a stapler remover.

Seriously though, Golf Galaxy needs a happy hour intervention. Every week is someones last day (we're all losing our jobs P.S.), therefore every week is yet another happy hour. Which for the people at work i actually DO like, i will attend. Except i don't really like too many people at work and all of the ones i did like have long bailed on me since our announcement in June. So, needless to say there are maybe 2 people at work i actually still enjoy talking to and would want to hang out with after work. One of them has a 2 year old and has an excuse to bail out on the happy hours. The other one, Rebecca, shares my hatred of "Happy Hours."

Lets first discuss the mother of all happy hours which was tonight (i should say IS tonight, except I'm at home blogging. nice.) Tomorrow is the last day for literally half of the office, or at least the entire first floor. So why not celebrate all of our impending financial burdens and unemployment with a big cheery HAPPY HOUR! Yay for cutting costs and eliminating our office only to spend ridiculous amounts of company money on alcohol and happy appys! This amounts to everyone planning on going, and since it's so big there is at least one person to guilt you into going (thanks Rebecca). So, needless to say all anyone could talk about today was if they were going to the happy hour or not.

Rebecca and I both agreed we hate happy hours. We were however up for a drink. We both hate happy hours so much, that we decided we'd rather go pay for our own drinks somewhere completely on our own. After all, we'd just end up talking to each other anyways. That was the plan and i was happy with our plan. Until she comes over with this look on her face at about 3:58 and says, "Google horoscopes says we have to go." We're both Cancers. Putting up some resistance i say i want a second opinion with Yahoo. This is what we get:

"Focus on domestic issues for now -- you've got more going on than you can take care of all at once, but you ought to be able to get it all organized so it's easier for you going forward"

Ironically convenient for my situation. Score 1 for team Heather! Rebecca, you must understand i have some serious domestic issues going on which need tending to at home. Being equally resistant she says, well lets try something else. So we try MSN and get this horoscope:

"Are you having problems with the lighting or heating in your living room, dear Cancer? If so, there could be problems with the entire neighborhood, and you might not be able to get a professional out today. You may have to pull out the flashlights to get you through the evening. Nonetheless, don't let this throw you. It's a minor, temporary inconvenience that'll be handled. Think of it as an adventure!"

Thank god for MSN horoscopes! Now i know to save my blog every sentence in anticipation of this power outage!!! Score 2 for team Heather. Desperate, she says, we just HAVE to go, Google Horoscopes said so. Not wanting to face the truth, i submitted into finding out what Google had to say:

"The Full Moon falls in your 11th House of Groups, yet you might prefer to spend some introspective time by yourself, rather than having to be lost in a crowd. Anonymity is currently less appealing to you than solitude, but it may be impossible to get away from the social noise. Instead of fighting against the inevitable, make the best of any situation."

Rebecca pulls out a victory with the trump of all horoscopes. Yes, Google was indeed telling us we needed to go. Not wanting to piss off the astrological gods and wanting to leave at 4 like everyone else, we headed off to the Happy Hour. It was miserable and we hated it and we left after 1 drink. We are however meeting up for wine at her place some other night. Call me anti-social, but i seriously really do hate happy hours. I'd much rather spend my time with people i want to be surrounded by, not ones I'm forced into awkward conversations with.

Sunday, November 9, 2008


You can take the girl out of Michigan, but you can't take the Michigan out of the girl. GO BLUE!

The weekend of long anticipation has come and gone. Holly & Bill made the long 9 hour drive to come visit and watch Michigan play Minnesota in the Metrodome on Saturday! The weekend brought many revelations. First and foremost is the now confirmed fact that i am officially losing my long term memory! Let me remind you that i am from Michigan.. The U.P. nonetheless, which makes me a yooper. Among many yooper instincts is that of the game of euchre. If there is anything i remember the most of my youth in DeTour it is 2 things. Partying and euchre. Holly and i practically had an entire side language for table talk. We were all Helen Keller like in our ways of hand gestures. So Friday night as we were drunk off our arses we figured lets play the boys at euchre!!! And then it hit me.. I DON'T REMEMBER HOW TO PLAY! I legitimately was at a loss of memory for the game. Even down to the point that you only use 9's, 10's and face cards. Or even that you used the 5's to keep score. How does that happen? How do you 100% forget something that was practically instilled in you in the womb?? It is really quite scary. After a brush up lesson most of it had come back to me, but i had forgotten all my strategery, all our table talk, everything :( Makes you wonder what else in life you have forgotten??
And now on to revelation number deuce... I am now officially past the age where getting drunk before noon is something i can handle! The game was at 11, so needless to say by 12 we were completely wasted. We managed to make it through the entire game unscathed in our Michigan gear. However, two young lads directly in the next row down from us were verbally abused the entire time. Maybe we went unassaulted because people mistook Holly for Sarah Palin.. PEW PEW PEW (wink)!
In between beer runs and bathroom runs all that stair climbing has given me shin splints today. During one particular memorable bathroom run i managed to ask Holly if she'd be my maid of honor :) It came out while that little bi*ch who is like an entire foot taller than me was walking with her arm around my shoulder.. The conversation went something of this sort:

Holly: You'd make the perfect boyfriend.
Me: Why's that?
Holly: Because you're so much shorter and it's easy to walk around next to you!
Me: (Sarcastically) Remind me to make you wear flats in my wedding!
Holly: Nah, just stick me down on the end, one of your sisters will be standing next to you anyways.
Me: Actually, i was wondering if you'd be my maid of honor..

Then there was some mushy stuff, and some hugging, and i even think tears welled up in her eyes (Which if you really know Holly you know how unemotional she likes to remain). So after a few minutes of some special bonding over the moment and telling her that i just couldn't choose one sister over the other and that when i really thought about it i just couldn't imagine anyone else standing next to me other than her, the conversation continues something to the sorts of this...
Holly: You're not really going to make me wear flats are you?
Me: Noooooooooooooooooooooo......... Well.......... Maybe.
Holly: Well... I guess it depends on what the dress looks like.

So to all my bridesmaids out there, blame Holly if i end up putting you in a foor length dress! haha. Let's not forget this picture of her and I from this summer. GLARING height difference. (To her defense she was in heels and i was in flats, but she's still Sasquatch like in her height.)
Now... back to the whole revelation of not being able to handle being drunk by noon. After getting a good drunk on at the game we went to Hubert's across from the metrodome. After some drinks there and Jon & I not entirely knowing where to go out in the city without walking 50 blocks to and from, we figured we'd head to uptown for some food and then we'd just be there and could hit the bars in uptown for the night. It wasn't until after we were done eating and on the verge of already sobering up that we realized it was only like 5pm! We all just sort of sat there in bewilderment and then came to a unanimous agreement of just going back to the house to relax and freshen up before maybe hitting the town up later in the night. These sure aren't the college days where you wake up, start drinking at 8, and party on until 3 in the morning to wake up and do it all over again. Yet again a reminder of getting older, but I'm OK with that. Sometimes it's nice to know your friends are too! Look at how cute the boys look all passed out by 7pm!Even though we didn't go out Saturday and ended up sleeping the majority of the evening, it was a great weekend. Nothing is better than the support of some friends to make life a little better and take our minds off of the everyday mundane.
As i said in the beginning, you can take the girl out of Michigan but not the Michigan out of the girl. It really makes me think back to the DMB song Best Of What's Around.
"Turns out not where but who you're with that really matters"

Monday, November 3, 2008

Kirby to the rescue...

So, i had all intentions of starting my blog off on a good note. Today was a good day! Or so i thought. In a shit storm of what seems like constant diarrhea, lately it's harder than one thinks to keep a positive attitude. (And apparently it's harder to keep a blog PG-rated. That's 1 for the coin jar.)

"We should really consider ourselves lucky"
"It could always be worse"
"We'll always have Kirby"

Life has a funny way of putting things into perspective. Something as simple as FINALLY registering for classes made me have this revelation today where i told myself, "Today is a good day." And it really was. I hit the registration jackpot. Classes only on Tue & Thur 12-3:30, and that's it (full-time nonetheless!). All i can look forward to is 7 days a week of sleeping in and working on these phantom scrapbooks that I've never actually even completed.. Or come to think of it even started.

But then reality has a way of finding me again and Jon comes home and it turns into the epic battle of the insurance company and I'm knocked back down to the ground. All of the sudden impending unemployment, school expenses, and an imaginary wedding doesn't seem realistic. Would it be selfish to spend more money on school and give up my salary for 28 months when there are bigger fish to fry? So, needless to say, after demanding Jon start looking for a new job with insurance that won't make him pay $500 a month for his medication, and me seriously contemplating the idea of going to the courthouse and secretly getting married so he can be on my insurance, i sought solace in coming upstairs and working on my latest picture project.

"Keep your head up"
"All will be well"

Yes, i will keep one foot forward and still title my blog "Today was a good day"

And then i find a pool of pee on my bedroom floor. STELLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I knew there was a reason we named her that. Seriously. SERIOUSLY! Mind you, our dog has not peed on the floor upstairs in like 2 years and i just went on a 48 hour prednisone induced cleaning frenzy over the weekend worthy of Danny Tanner like envy. I think she's acting out and can sense the underlying stress of the situation we've found ourselves in. WWCMD. What Would Cesar Milan Do? Luckily it was Kirby to the rescue. But in the grand scheme of things as Jon and i are steam cleaning piss (yes, that's 2 for the coin jar), and laughing yet again at our rather impulsive Kirby vacuum purchase, i can't help but think... "Today was a good day." Coming home and finding pee on your bedroom floor and being able to just laugh at it together and forget about everything else for a few minutes, i guess that's not so bad. As my sister Bridget said, "Guardian Angels come in all forms, even as Kirby Salesmen." I really think she's right.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Five-Star Trapper Keeper

So what is one more chronological trapper keeper of this life i lead? I've always journaled since i was 15, and still do, but I've decided to give this blogging thing a try. I'll save the innermost thoughts for my private journaling and try to use this as a PG-rated update of the life i live with Jon and Stella.

I have decided to name our blog "Best Of What's Around." An ode to DMB. If there were a way to describe the life we lead it is through the lyrics of Dave.

See you and me
Have a better time than most can dream
Have it better than the best
So we can pull on through
Whatever tears at us
Whatever holds us down
And if nothing can be done
We'll make the best of what's around

Turns out not where but who you're with
That really matters

Our 5 year anniversary has come and gone. Rather than look back i shall start fresh. So much has been focused on the future lately it only seems appropriate. As it seems fitting, here is a picture from our 5 year anniversary date. It felt like the first day of the rest of our lives.

Till the next time when my blog will officially start, i will leave you with something to ponder. Google "Dancing Nancies." It was my second choice... And then i remembered what a Dancing Nancy actually was :) Nonetheless, whatever we could have been in life, I'm glad we ended up just as we are....