OCD: Obsessive Cullen Disorder

About three things i am absolutely positive:

First- Edward is a fictional vampire.
Second- There is a part of him, and I'm pretty sure i know how dominant that part is, that takes on the human form of Robert Pattinson and makes me thirst for his blood.
Third- I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

Yes, i have a severe crush on a fictional vampire. I heart Edward Cullen. Me and Edward, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. I'm love struck, and it's bad. Since i picked up the book Twilight i couldn't put it down, finishing it in under a week. No story line has ever effected me the way this story has. Effected me in a way such as i literally do have a crush on a fictional vampire. Maybe it's because i can put a face to the character, which is the face of Robert Pattinson, who to be honest i was never sure why there was such a big fuss over him. Now i know why. Girls probably aren't attracted to him, they're just attracted to the character he plays, Edward. I've had Edward Cullen dreams. And the other morning as i woke up, i woke up to Jon biting my hand as he exclaimed, "I'm Edward Cullen." True story. Makes me wonder if he'll continue this role playing all the way to the alter. Do you Heather, take Edward, to be your lawfully married Vampire.. I DO! Yes, Jon is reading the series too and is actually half way through the second book, New Moon. We have an open relationship. I told him he's allowed to have a crush on Alice, but he prefers Bella. But they're no match to my Edward. MY Edward.. I just hope Jon doesn't try gnawing at my jugular in the middle of the night in an attempt to win back my affection.

For now at least i have finished the first book, and Jon & I await our date tomorrow night at 12:01am when Twilight is released on DVD and the HD on Demand channel. We plan on renting it right at 12:01am and probably will watch it again on Saturday, being the rental lasts on your tv for 24 hours. Until then, i will have to settle with reading New Moon and patiently await the release of that movie in November.

You may doubt the possibility of falling deeply in love with a fictional character, and a vampire nonetheless, but pick up the book and read the first chapter. I guarantee you won't be able to put it down and that by the books end you'll be engaging in a cat fight with me claiming Edward Cullen is yours. But he'll always be mine. I heart Edward Cullen!

Underwater Misadventures

Do you ever have those moments when you think to yourself, "Really, did i really just say that?" Needless to say i have those moments quite frequently.

Take today for instance. I happened to sit in the student lounge for once to socialize in between class rather then sitting in the library to avoid the people who i find rather annoying, like Barbi. First of all, if your name is Barbi you automatically are considered annoying in my book without even having to say or do anything. So today i decide to sit with my peeps in the lounge mainly because i wanted to compare answers on my physics take home quiz. Well, not mainly. That was the sole reason for my social hour rendezvous. In doing so i had to sit and pretend to be interested in Barbi and stories of her boyfriend Stephen and how she forgot her shoes at his house which is two hours away and how she hates the long drive and how she just bought another pair of really cool aeropostale jeans and that her job sucks and she hates working at Underwater Adventures. At that point i had to just laugh to myself and feel bad for her knowing she's sitting there making all but $7/hour at some shit job at the Mall of America. So somewhere between Underwater Adventures and for the first time me wanting to actually go to physics just to get away from her, she started talking about puffer fish. Barbi, being the underwater expert she is and all because she works as a cashier at an aquarium inside of a friggen mall in the mid-west, felt the need to describe how puffer fish can kill themselves by puffing up because it takes so much energy in doing so with sucking in all that water. Paying attention in a half assed sort of way i decided to play a contributing part in this so called social hour and said "I don't know why the thought just occurred to me that they puff up by sucking in water. I guess i always just imagined it was air.. But if they're underwater it would have to be water right?"

The looks i got from Barbi were condemning. And yes, i know it was stupid, and i'm known to say some very very stupid things, but don't give me that look. I wanted to rip out my mid-term progress report we got two weeks ago and be like i'm ranked #1 in our class, so eat that BARBARA. Because that's your name, Barbara, not Barbi! Someone has to be #1. That someone just so happens to think puffer fish always filled up with air underwater.

Ah yes. Another day at school.

Screw you Google Ads!

Even Google Ads is mocking me. I really can't even tell you what this whole google adsense thing is. I was bored some random night at about 1am when i tend to do my blogging, and i saw something about make money off your blog by advertising. I have no idea if this is legit, nor have i read any of the 5 emails sitting in my inbox regarding my account. I have no clue how it works, how it picks the ads, if they pick it based on your content, or if you can even pick your own ads. What i do know is that with my all but 2 followers (No thanks to you illegitimate readers.. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! Create a login and follow me already!) I intend to make no money. I signed up more so out of curiosity and intend on removing this function shortly.

And then I happened to notice my Google Ad while pulling up my blog tonight.

Waking up at 2am?
Get a full nights sleep.
Learn how.
getsomesleep.com

Curious, and disregarding the one and only Google Adsense rule i happened to have glanced over which is the invalid clicks of clicking on your own ads, i was brought to a website for Lunesta - Prescription Sleep Aid.

Even Google is making a mockery out of me. Maybe it's a sign that i should talk about my sleeping disorders a little less. Which would leave me talking only about the idiosyncrasies of school, which just so happens to be my life right now. If only I could go on and on about the adventures of Jon & I's relationship without him getting furious with me, then I'd REALLY have blog material worth reading with material completely relatable to everyone who just isn't willing to admit it themselves!

Then again, I'm sure you don't want to read about how I was on my way OUT of the mall with all intentions of leaving Jon there to walk home (It's across the street..literally.. so don't feel bad for him). I have always referred to Jon as my disobedient 3 year old shopping companion, as literally in the nanosecond that i turn to eye up the Target dollar bin, i turn around a second later to find Jon has gone all David Blaine street magician disappearing act on me. Many an argument has ensued over this situation. It ends up in us completely losing each other and having to call each other and track each other down. So input a quick target run with the one and only mission of getting envelopes and turn that into me forgetting my phone on this what was supposed to be 2 minute Target run, Jon acting like he's David Blaine, and then me standing in the spot he left me for about 20 minutes just waiting for him to make his way back to me. All patience was lost, so luckily we found each other in the doorway as i was walking out to leave him there. Yes, that sounds very mean, but i can literally sit on my front steps and see Target, so he could have easily walked home. If Megan can make the foot crawl over there at 5am on Black Friday, Jon can do it!

Ah yes.. If only i could blog about my relationship.. Then again, i really don't want ad's for Dr. Phil either. There's no winning with you Google Ads!

Sudoku Vs. The Short Bus

A little homework for thought...Simplify the variables for the following expression:

H=Girl who sucks at math
M=Girl who enrolled in program involving nothing but complex math & physics skills
T=Girl who placed into not 1, but 2 short bus math classes not even eligible for college credit
X=Short bus math class 1
Y=Short bus math class 2
F=Future algebra and calculus classes

H+M-[(F/(X*Y))]=T

Answer: Girl who sucks at math probably shouldn't have picked an extremely math intensive program and opted for the online math class 1 where she didn't pay attention and used a calculator at home now making math class 2 all the more frustrating while in preparation for the future real math and physics classes needed to graduate.

It all sounds so difficult, right? I thought so too.

The days of Seriously Carla in MA096 are officially over. I'm actually in the second week of my next online math review, the one which will finally allow me to take algebra next semester. Even though i was suppose to take algebra in my first semester but wasn't allowed because of my placement testing so instead opted to bump up physics which was due second semester but essentially is all algebra. Hence my initial struggle with my Armenian nemesis. It's a vicious cycle.

Short bus class 1 was too easy. Not so much the material, as I'm still not the best at fractions, but more so because it was online and unlike the classroom environment i had my fancy smancy calculator in front of me ready and willing to punch out any answers i sought. Which really is dumb on my part because i was completing the work but i wasn't understanding it. And being it was my first ever online class i wasn't sure what to expect, and the way i had to hand in my answers didn't really force me to learn it. Now enter short bus class 2, which is essentially pre-algebra. Now this class has completely different submission techniques and is forcing me to actually work the problems. Turns out fractions really aren't that difficult. In 8 entire weeks of my first class i should have learned everything involved in simple mathematics with subtraction and addition and multiplying and division of whole numbers, integers, fractions and unknown variables. What i should have grasped in 8 weeks literally took me an hour during the review portion of my first assignment for my new math review class.

The worst part was that i was excited. All the sudden I'm all giddy thinking to myself, i don't suck at math. Why didn't they just tell me all you do is find the LCM and rework the fractions. Now I'm all homework happy and am treating these 200 problems due by Monday like it's some level 4 sudoku puzzle.

I compare this to sudoku for one reason and one reason only. If you've ever worked a sudoku puzzle (at least one of the difficult ones), then you probably share my frustration in spending 20 minutes getting a quarter of the puzzle done only to realize it doesn't work and have to erase everything and start all over. In sudoku you know the answer. You know it can only be numbers 1-9 going across, up, down and by sectional squares. Same principle with this new math class. He gives us the answers up front. All he cares about is us showing our work to prove that we understand the concept of HOW to get to the solution. Whereas the first class the professor only cared about the end result, this new professor focuses on the process. Hence, my FINALLY moment in all the sudden grasping any and all math concepts. Granted there was a lot of erasing and reworking that was done, but trial and error works as a learning process, apparently. Bring it bitches, I'm a subtracting fractional machine tonight.



*Disclaimer: The opinions stated in the above blog in reference to short bus math are the opinions of the author only and not the opinion of Blogger or Google. The author reserves all rights to poke fun at her math retardation by referring to her class as short bus math based solely on the fact that she physically and actually did ride a short bus to school for a few years. Any lawsuits brought forth as offense to the above statements may be referred to Mrs. Jarmish, my short bus school bus driver.*

Shimmy Shimmy Cocoa Pop

Tonight after watching way too many hours of DVR recordings back to back than necessary, i found myself flipping aimlessly through the channels of live TV recording. When what to my eyes i find.. The movie BIG. I was in LOVE with this movie, and swear i watched it about 1,000 times in my childhood. Maybe because it was second on a VCR recording after The Great Muppet Caper and god forbid you fast forward any VCR recording without it taking approximately the same amount of time to get through it as if you had just watched it on play. I don't know if it was the childlike vision of what it would be like to live life all grown up, or the adult like vision of taking a step back and living life as if you were a child again. One thing i know for sure, I'll always remember the scene when they play chopsticks on the floor piano in the toy store, and the real life trampoline inside his apartment, and the amazement at the age of 7 as i reveled in my innocence and enjoyed such a simple movie over and over again, without even really getting the "BIG" picture. When did we stop singing:

"The space goes down, down baby, down, down the roller coaster. sweet, sweet baby, sweet, sweet, don’t let me go. shimmy, shimmy, cocoa pop. shimmy, shimmy, rock. shimmy, shimmy, cocoa pop. shimmy, shimmy, rock. I met a girlfriend - a triscuit. she said, a triscuit - a biscuit. ice cream, soda pop, vanilla on the top. ooh, Shelly’s out, walking down the street, ten times a week. I read it. I said it. I stole my momma’s credit. I’m cool. I’m hot. sock me in the stomach three more times."

Initially this blog popped into my head as i noticed it was on VH1. A neighbor to VH1 on our cable lineup happens to be MTV. Then i realized how long it's been since i have watched anything on either channels and thought to myself, am i officially out of the target audience age group for the programming that i have fed my dying brain cells with since i conned my mom into getting cable when i was in high school. I still remember my very first episode of TRL and how i would find myself annoyed that they never played the entire video, but loved it all the same! Now, it's not even on. Instead, we find such shows as From G's to Gent's. Leading me to wonder what a "G" really even is.. Also, only as i fast forward through my weekly recording of The Hills (yes, some guilty MTV pleasures remain!) do i find previews for the now-a-day episodes of The Real World featuring the first transvestite (you go girl! or boy!) but also past seasons of The Real World Hollywood where they literally had a stripper as a roommate. Then i remind myself shit, these are just kids who are like 19 or 20 years old. Of course i watched it when i was their age, it was a bit more relateable. Well.. Minus the whole transvestite and stripper gig. I may have stripped at that age, but I'll be damned if i did it for money. Ha..Yes, that was a joke. Now, watching isn't even an option. In fact, i only watch The Hills on MTV and everything else i happen to catch is during the fast forwarding and habitual rewinding once i fast forward too forward..if that makes sense.

As BIG was on a commercial, i started pondering this notion of growing up via television standards. When did i move from target audience to target audience. When did hours of Real World marathons turn into recording an episode of Paula's Home Cooking just because she was making a Quiche and i would like to try that some morning? It's not just the Food network either. I found myself torn on flipping between Property Virgins on HGTV or Bringing Home Baby on TLC during my commercials of BIG.

Which brings me back to BIG. I think this is the first valid time that i have watched it since my adolescence. It makes me sad. Sad to know the difference in the thought process of a child versus an adult. Watching it as a child i was in awe of the story line involving the toys and the freedom of fulfilling your childhood luxurious dreams because once you were big enough you could have everything you wanted. Except they didn't tell you in the movie that when you actually become big enough to get those things, you trade in the over sized trampoline for the over sized car payment, you substitute the floor piano for an area rug, and worst of all, the scene you swore to one day live out involving them gorging themselves in all the sweets you could imagine, has officially turned into banning all food past 8pm and only indulging in 90 calorie special K bars "on occasion".

The story of BIG is simple. A 12 year old boy makes a wish at a fairground machine to be big. He wakes up the next morning to find his wish has been granted but is the same 12 year old kid on the inside in an unfamiliar world of grown ups and jobs and responsibility. Except once he's stuck in the body of a 30 year old all he wants to do is go back to being a kid. They don't tell you that it'll really happen. I'm still determined to find a floor piano and bust out that scene where they play chopsticks :) Dream "Big"!

What's in a dress?

What do you get when you take the most indecisive person in the world and tell them to make about 100 different decisions at once? Me, and this wedding that seemingly will never be planned.

Picking out THE wedding dress was the easiest part. For being a difficult indecisive person, it was only about 3 dresses in when i was like yep, this is the one. I didn't even try on the other two that were sitting there waiting to taunt me with their size 4 sample size saying "Buy me buy me, you'll save $300 if you could just binge and purge and be one of the 2% of brides that can actually fit into me."

Picking out the bridesmaid dress on the other hand..Complete different story. They should have a TLC show dedicated to this. Not so much "Say Yes To The Dress", but more of an extended Bridesmaid edition. And yes, i caught myself saying the one phrase i swore to myself i would never say, in odds of all bride stereotyping, which was "You could totally wear it again." Already I'm falling a victim to this bride stuff.

After browsing a few racks today with Danielle & Laura, i have found that a dress is a dress is a dress. What matters to me is that my girls love it, feel comfortable in it, and won't talk about how hideous it is behind my back! It's hard to please one person let alone seven, so i just hope at this point it will at least be comfortable for all. Today our bridesmaid dress browsing efforts paid off, and we narrowed it down to two. And in all honesty, if it were me, i really would wear either or again. That could be the delusional unintentional bride persona setting in, but i really would wear them. Cliche and all!

What i should have done was just had Jon picked them out. He would have had them picked out months ago, just like he had been itching to pick out the tuxes. If only he cared a little less about fashion and a little more about DJ's, photographers, videographers, and flowers, then this wedding would be locked down and all planned. And to think he asked if we should have a reception here in Minneapolis after the wedding. HELL NO! I told him when he intends on planning the first one then he can plan the second one. He didn't say much more about that idea afterwards, so I think one will do us in just fine :) I shouldn't bash on him too much though, because it's not like he's exactly dead weight in the planning process. It's more of the fact that he's more of a visionary. In other words he has thousands of ideas but lacks any sort of implementation skills.

For now, I'm glad i can actually cross 1 thing off of my list, which was purchasing the wedding gown. Hooray for progress, albeit slow and all :) I may not have an actual wedding (or reception for that matter) planned, but I'll be damned if i don't have the perfect dress to wear the day of!

Creepy Guy

While trying to keep myself entertained in Physics today, my mind couldn't help but lean towards the side of observatory. I am and always will be a people watcher. Creepy dude was still being creepy as ever, although the head picking has come to a halt and instead he has started gnawing on his nails. I try not to watch him because he makes me sad, scabbed over splotchy peach fuzz facial hair and all. I still think he's in need of a friend and am yet to make my way out of my section of "cool kids." Creepy dude's title however, is officially being replaced with Creepy Guy, formerly known as Stereotype Breaking Guy...

He wasn't always a creepy guy. In fact, today during the first half of the lecture he was endearingly labeled Cute Guy. His dreamy eyes and grunge/prep look is something the girls ought to dig, and top that off with a bout of actual intellectualism this guy has, the single girls should be flocking over him. I did make friends with him, as promised in my physics blog a few entries back. And my assumptions were right, as i have learned from him and he helped me on the last take home quiz which i got a 100% on. Yay me!

Initially, he wasn't even a people watching candidate. Really he was just obstructing my view from original Creepy Dude. But then i noticed him passing a note to the girl to the right of him, two people up from me. I thought this was endearing and automatically refocused my attention on the pair of them. For one, who passes notes beyond the third grade, and two, why not just talk to each other. Lord knows our Armenian professor seems to be half deaf and they won't be disturbing anyone, as most everyone in the class have given up any attempts at following the lectures. And then i saw her, with a little twinkle in her eye. Of course she likes him. He's definitely the likeable type. I could see the excitement of the potential in young puppy love and i thought to myself, how friggen cute. Then i see him tilt his notebook in her direction and inscribed on his college ruled tab of notebook paper read:

Me=Awesome
You= Kinda Cool (Sort of)

I about died. How bold of this guy, and again, how adorable. Focusing on her i could almost feel her butterflies because she was radiating with immense energy. Here I'm thinking... I wonder if they'll go on to have babies someday and will forever recount this very situation that is playing out right before my very own eyes. Then I'm thinking, i hope they don't blog and consequentially refer to me as Creepy Observer Stalker Girl..

He continued to amuse her all throughout class, drawing pictures of our Armenian professor with bubble words my spidey vision couldn't make out. He even drew out a geographical map of what for all i know was Armenia. Already i am amping up for the first day i get to witness their first quarrel, for sure this is a match made in love heaven. I was eagerly on cloud nine just imagining their possibilities, and having just talked about my own wedding plans with my new found school friends.

So then picture me, leaving class, all head in the clouds thinking about the amount of cuteness i had just witnessed. I had to stop off in the bookstore to grab my new math book for the second section of my online math class, and i was searching in the very last shelve which happened to be right by the door to the bookstore. Then to my surprise, i hear their voices right outside the door. And THIS is what transformed formerly Stereotype Breaking Guy, into Cute Guy, into Creepy Guy.

Her: "So tell me again how you remembered my name?"
Him: "I don't know, i just remembered."
Her: "This is the first time we've ever even talked?"
Him: "Well......"
(Insert long awkward pause and great deal of hesitation)
Him: Ok, so i looked you up on facebook.
Her: (Immediately with a tone in her voice that i could tell she got creeped out) "You would have had to known my name to look me up on facebook."
Him: "I know, but i went on to eCompanion [the campus website] and turns out you can click on your class and view the roster."
Her: Why where you in there doing that?
Him: Well... I thought it would be cool to find people in our class on facebook.
Her: Oh, so you're one of those people? What were you intending on doing once you found someone.
Him: I never got that far.
Her: But you got far enough as to scour through all the female names in the class, strategically searching for each one on facebook, to match the names to their pictures?
Him: I can send you a friend request.
Her: I have to get going to my next class.

Makes me wonder how many other people out there in my various classes have gone to the same extremes he has of downloading the class roster off of eCompanion and then strategically searching facebook for the members of your class. Have i been searched? Entertaining enough for one day. We'll see if he grows increasingly creepier next week.

And i wonder why my grade in Physics stresses me out!

To Sleep..Or Not To Sleep..

So... I relapsed last night. Don't you judge me! I was in desperate need of a good nights sleep and had to be awake my 8:30 this morning to go drop off my car at the dealership. I am finding, that rising before 9am has many perks. The first of those perks is eating breakfast during breakfast time, and not at 11 when i should be eating lunch. And then there were the two homework assignments i turned in for my new online math class (Seriously Carla free), the load of dishes now mid-cycle, trash taken out, and serious amounts of cleaning i now feel compelled to do with this new found time on my hands. Usually at this time of the day before 1, i am still finishing my pot of coffee and only slightly thinking about getting started on half of the things that i probably would not have gotten to in the first place.

Every morning i wake up at about 8:30 and i think to myself how much easier life would be if i could just get up and out of bed. I even think to myself, I'm just laying here anyways, so what's the difference of laying here in bed or going down on the couch, but then i submit to the lesser of the evils and fall back asleep. I may even wake again at 9:30 and go through the same thought processes. Usually this time around i try to open my eyes and keep them open, but they slowly close and before i know it it's 10:30 and I'm waking up again, only to force myself out of bed. I never want to get out of bed, but for some reason i would feel extra guilty if i were to sleep past 10:30. So one could rationalize that either way I'm forcing myself out of bed, so might as well do it earlier and feel better about the day right? If only i could get to bed before 2am like normal people.

I guess i can't help it, I've been bound to a tight schedule for 9 years since high school and suddenly i have this new found realm of freedom, where i feel like this is the first, only, and last time in my life that i will ever have this careless freedom to SLEEP.IN.EVERY.DAY! Never again will i not have to work in my life until most likely i someday have to take maternity leave, which i have been exposed many a time before to the argument of how much sleep deprivation a baby causes.

I know these brutal facts may want to make some people kill me, especially the ones fortunate enough to have to drag themselves out of bed at about 6am to go to work for the day. But trust me when i say unemployment isn't as glamorous as i had imagined. Granted, i am putting probably more work than is required for a 40+ hour week job into my full time schoolwork, which seems to be never ending, so it's not really like I'm just unemployed and bumming around the house. But this is how i imagined my unemployment playing out:

To Do List:
Clean the garage
Feverishly spring clean entire house
Scrapbook
Paint
Plan the wedding
Watch Ellen while drinking my coffee every morning
Make dinner every evening
Yada, yada, yada

So far in my 4 1/2 weeks of unemployment not only have i not gotten to one single thing on that list, but i think i have actually set myself back on it. I now have a cluttered closet full of about 5 boxes of pictures that i took from my mom and sister when i declared "Trust me, it will only take me a week to go through these and sort them and get them in albums." Now they sit there, collecting dust, giving me utter disgust every time i open the closet. One of my other closets is congested with all of my paint supplies that are spread out because i don't have the heart to neatly store them away, again, convinced i would actually have the time to finish the painting i started 10 months ago. And the wedding is a whole other batch of Psyche issues. There's a reason i haven't really mentioned the wedding in my blog. I like to pretend it doesn't exist and that I'm not behind by 100 different things.

I know i shouldn't be complaining, and I'm not really, more or less rationalizing. I guess I'm still getting use to this new schedule and seeing what works for me. I just know that waking up at 10:30 isn't an option to have a productive day (or life for that matter), so maybe I'll stick to a 9am schedule and sleep in on the weekends and have more time to do things other than school work.

For now, it's done with blogging and back to cleaning. I can't successfully do any homework until the house is somewhat clean, because all I'll be able to think about is how i need to clean, making it one more thing on my to do list. And i hate the thought of things to do on my to do list.

At least i can cross blogging off for the day :)

Detox Day 2

I am approaching night 3 of my chemical detox from Ambien. Or actually i should say night 2, since the first night doesn't really count considering i more or less passed out from drinking an entire bottle of wine by myself. What gives? Given to the fact that we're not going to count the first night, I'll recount last night as my first night. Below is the series of events..

9:30pm: Jon narcked out on me.. I say "narcked" in reference to him practically being a narcoleptic. He can fall asleep in literally less than a minute, and will sleep and sleep and sleep. I'm highly jealous. I have evidence of the sorts, which i will present to you:

Exhibit A: The bathroom floor

Exhibit B: My 7 year old nieces bed (nestled under Hannah Montana)

12:00am: Thinking to myself, Jon has already gotten more sleep tonight then i will the rest of the night. Again, highly jealous.

1:00am: I find myself watching interesting infomercials. Including one for a drug called Alteril which is an all natural sleep medicine. For the first time in my life i consider calling the 1-800 number and ordering from an infomercial. At this rate I'd probably call and buy a SHAMWOW if it came on.

1:45am: I find myself on http://www.alteril.com/ which makes me giggle.

2:00am: I officially shut the TV off, thinking it keeps my brain running and doesn't help. I turn the lamp off and sit in the dark like some sort of loony hoping the darkness will make me feel any sort of tired. All i can think is how weird would this look right now if Jon happened to wake out of his coma and see me just sitting here in the dark. C.R.E.E.P.Y.

2:05am: Get creeped out and think the ficus tree in my kitchen is staring at me. Bad ficus, Bad. Open my computer for a little light.

2:30am: Run out of things to google. Start sampling all the soundscape albums in the itunes store. Crickets, annoying.. Rain, makes me want to pee.. Thunder, startles me.. The thought occurs to me the only thing that might lull me to sleep is the sound of a ticking clock. I scour the itunes store and can't find anything and wonder how much money i could make if i were to produce a ticking clock album??

3:00am: Crawl into bed with Jon, who has taken my pillow hostage under his head. With no concern for awakening him i weasel the pillow out from underneath him, only for him to smack his head on the head board. He doesn't even wake up. He's still in his sleep coma.

3:10am: Literally start counting sheep. I get to 2 and then start thinking 1,2 Freddie's coming for you.. 3,4 better shut the door.. 5,6 better crucifix.. 7,8 better stay up late.. 9,10 never sleep again. This creeps me out and reaffirms the fact that I'll never sleep so i stop counting.

3:11am-4:00am: Fall asleep FINALLY.. only to awaken in hour minute intervals the rest of the night (err...morning). Might i mention Jon has already received what is considered a full nights sleep by the time i am just going to bed.

10:00am: Wake up.

I'm really hoping to break this pattern. I've always had insomnia, but have never really tried what the doctor most recommends, which is a good diet, exercise, and regular sleep patterns. I'm working on the diet, have started exercising, and now if only i could get myself on a 11pm-9am sleep pattern. I'm determined though. Had i just taken an Ambien, my night last night would have played out like this:

9:30pm: Jon narcks out on me, i take my Ambien.

11:00pm: The Ambien kicks in.

12:00am: I fall into a deep sleep.

9am: I wake.

We'll see how tonight goes. If this keeps up i should be able to keep up on my blog at least. I run out of things to do in the midnight hours. I think i shall go pour myself a glass of wine as a quick fix.

GOODNIGHT!